Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
