I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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