I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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