Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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