why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
