do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
