May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i now understand why vodka
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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