Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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