My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
