He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
