I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
