the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
