wanna go halves on a baby?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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