its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
