I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
