I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
