You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you didnt know i had herpes?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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