She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
