??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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