what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
