How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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