Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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