Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
