this boner is exhausting
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
