I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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