you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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