i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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