My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
