paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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