We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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