She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
