This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize