Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
