i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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