Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
