I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
