just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
