dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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