I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
