i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
