I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
