my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
