I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
