Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
