i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
