i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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