I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
