He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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