I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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