She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
