No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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