I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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