It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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