well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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