one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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