how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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