You can't special order awesome
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
