you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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