In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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