I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
