I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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