I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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