After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize