Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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