thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
