Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
