I love black thongs
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
