I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
