We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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