I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
