he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My balls are so social today.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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